I know firsthand how bullying and harassment can break a person down. When I worked at a school in a small village in northern Sweden, my children and I were harassed at home by students, for years. Despite my repeated pleas for help, no one stepped in to support us. I was left alone with my desperation, trying to find a way out. Looking back, having someone to talk to in an earlier stage, like a coach or counselor, could have made all the difference. I needed guidance to process my emotions and find a path forward, but instead, I was left to manage the situation alone. That experience shaped my deep commitment to helping others facing similar circumstances.
After a long and difficult journey, two of those young people were eventually convicted in court for harassment. This brought me some sense of validation, knowing that my complaints were justified. In Sweden, where the system can be slow to recognize and act on these issues, it was a hard-fought victory. It took years to reach that point, and by then, the damage had already been done.
Bullying and harassment are not only emotionally devastating but also incredibly costly—both for the individuals and for society as a whole. The financial toll of bullying in industrialized countries is staggering, easily amounting to billions of Euros each year. Yet despite the overwhelming costs and the widespread harm, these issues persist, and in some cases, the division is even fueled.
The High Cost of Division and Harassment
Bullying doesn’t just affect the individuals targeted—it has a ripple effect that reaches entire communities. When bullying or harassment occurs in the workplace, it leads to lower productivity, absenteeism, and high turnover, all of which drive up costs for businesses. The healthcare system bears a heavy burden, too, as victims often need mental health services to cope with the trauma. The toll extends even further into the loss of creativity, innovation, and collaboration. In short, bullying stifles the human potential that drives societal progress.
Why is it so Hard to Stop?
Despite efforts to address bullying and harassment, they remain deeply ingrained in our societies. Here’s why:
- Social Conditioning: From a young age, we’re conditioned to believe in competition over collaboration. Success is often framed as a zero-sum game, where stepping on others is tolerated, even encouraged, in the pursuit of victory.
- Systemic Tolerance: Even with policies in place, bullying often continues because there’s a reluctance to address it head-on. Power dynamics, fear of retaliation, or simply not wanting to “rock the boat” all contribute to the persistence of toxic behavior.
- Political and Economic Interests: Division can be profitable. Media outlets and politicians, in particular, often benefit from stirring up division because it keeps people fearful, distracted, and easier to manipulate. Keeping people divided serves the interests of those who want to maintain power and control.
- Outdated Evolutionary Mechanisms: Humans evolved in environments where competition and tribalism were necessary for survival. These old survival mechanisms still operate, but in today’s interconnected global society, they create unnecessary conflict and division.
Why Some Benefit from Fueling Division
Division is not always an accidental byproduct; it’s often strategically amplified:
- Media Sensationalism: The media thrives on conflict. Bad news attracts more attention than good news, so they capitalize on divisive stories. The constant barrage of “us vs. them” narratives keeps us engaged and enraged, perpetuating fear and division.
- Political Strategy: Division is a powerful political tool. By painting certain groups as enemies, politicians can consolidate power and deflect attention from deeper systemic issues that require thoughtful, collective solutions.
- Corporate Interests: Many industries benefit from keeping people divided and focused on superficial differences, rather than uniting to challenge the status quo. Division ensures that attention is diverted from larger societal problems that require systemic change.
Why Empathetic Individuals are More Vulnerable
Empathetic individuals often have a particularly hard time fending off bullying and harassment. Their natural inclination to understand, connect with, and accommodate others makes them more susceptible to being targeted. Bullies often exploit empathy, seeing it as a weakness. However, empathy is a strength that, when properly supported, can create more collaborative and harmonious environments.
Empathy coaches, like myself, work with individuals to help them recognize the power in their empathy and develop tools to protect themselves from those who take advantage of their kind nature.
Taking Action: What You Can Do in Your Immediate Surroundings
While the systems we operate in may seem too large to tackle, change starts in the spaces we directly control—our homes, workplaces, and communities. Here are some steps you can take:
- Speak Up: If you witness bullying or harassment, don’t stay silent. Whether in person or online, standing up to it sends a powerful message that it won’t be tolerated.
- Foster Empathy: Empathy is a powerful antidote to bullying. By listening, understanding, and being kind, we can create a culture of emotional safety around us, making bullying less likely to thrive.
- Promote Inclusivity: In schools, workplaces, or community settings, actively include those who might be marginalized. Collaboration and connection reduce the breeding ground for bullying behaviors.
- Model Positive Behavior: Demonstrate kindness and resilience in the face of stress or adversity. By modeling positive, empathetic behavior, we inspire others to do the same.
- Raise Awareness: Organizing workshops or awareness campaigns in your community, workplace, or school can help people recognize the costs of bullying and motivate them to take action.
Protecting Yourself from Bullying’s Immediate Effects
For those who are currently experiencing bullying, protecting yourself is crucial. Here are some ways to shield yourself emotionally and mentally:
- Set Boundaries: Limit your exposure to toxic environments and people. If necessary, disengage from harmful conversations or remove yourself from spaces where bullying is allowed to persist.
- Seek Support: Build a network of trusted individuals who can offer emotional support. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional coach, having someone to talk to can help you process your emotions and develop strategies to cope.
- Ask for Coaching: If you’re an employee experiencing bullying at work, ask your employer to provide coaching services. The effects of bullying on your productivity and well-being are undeniable, and coaching can help you regain your sense of self-worth and effectiveness in the workplace.
- Practice Emotional Regulation: Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or even my SAFETY Method can help you remain grounded and avoid reacting impulsively. Recognizing that bullying reflects the aggressor’s issues, not your value, can provide immediate relief.
- Document Incidents: In workplaces or schools, document every instance of bullying or harassment. Keeping a detailed record can be useful if you need to escalate the situation to HR or other authorities.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your physical and emotional health. This can be as simple as taking walks in nature, meditating, or spending time with people who uplift you. These activities can help you recharge and build resilience.
- Disconnect from Negative Media: Limit your exposure to divisive or negative news. Sometimes, tuning out from the constant stream of bad news can help protect your mental health.
Living the Change We Want to See in the World
Stopping bullying and harassment requires more than just policies and rules; it demands a fundamental shift in how we relate to each other. This shift begins with each of us living the change we want to see in the world. As Martin Luther King Jr. wisely said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” We must choose empathy, understanding, and collaboration over division, fear, and aggression.
While systemic changes are slow, there’s always something we can do within our immediate surroundings. If you or someone you know is struggling with bullying, know that support is available, and the power to create change starts with each of us.
