From the moment we’re about to enter this world, even as we develop in the womb, we’re immersed in the values, expectations, and beliefs of those around us. Family, society, and culture all impose a set of rules designed to shape our behavior and identity. We’re told that to be accepted, loved, or even just to survive, we must conform—”fit in to be accepted” or “fit in to be loved.”
But is this conditioning helping us, or is it holding us back? Is it possible that what we’ve come to see as “normal” is, in fact, the root of much of our helplessness?
Throughout our lives, we’re bombarded with ideas about who we should be and what success looks like. These expectations are often so deeply ingrained that we rarely question them. Yet, the pressure to conform—to a career, a way of life, a set of values—can become a prison, confining us to roles that may not reflect our true selves.
This pressure is not just external; over time, it seeps into our internal world, shaping our beliefs about what’s possible for us. We stop questioning the system and begin to believe that passivity is our only option. We fear being cast out, judged, or rejected for stepping outside the lines, and that fear keeps us stuck.
In many ways, the system thrives on this passive acceptance. Division and fear—often propagated by those in positions of power—ensure that we remain preoccupied with fitting in, too afraid to stand out. The result? We fall into a cycle of learned helplessness, where the idea of making choices for ourselves feels foreign or even impossible.
But here’s the truth: passivity isn’t destiny—it’s a choice. Though it might not feel like it, we have the power to step out of this passive role. More and more of us are waking up to the realization that we no longer want to be passive bystanders in our own lives. We’re ready to shed the roles of helplessness and victimhood that society has encouraged us to adopt.
The current system—designed to keep us divided, fearful, and dependent on external validation—is a major threat to our mental health. It convinces us that we need to compete with one another rather than collaborate, that we must follow rigid paths to be seen as “successful,” and that deviation from the norm means failure. But these messages often conflict with our inner sense of self, leading to a deep dissonance that manifests as anxiety, depression, and, ultimately, passivity.
We Are The Gardener of Our Own Lives
What if we started thinking of ourselves as gardeners of our own soul, body, environment, and social structures? Just like in a well-tended garden, there is no room for rigid competition in our personal growth—only collaboration and symbiosis. In nature, plants don’t struggle against each other to thrive; they work together in balance, exchanging nutrients and creating ecosystems that benefit all.
As the gardeners of our own lives, we have the ability to nurture the seeds of our potential, to create environments that foster growth instead of stifling it. When we focus on collaboration, both within ourselves and with others, we find that there is no need to compete. In a garden, every element plays its part, contributing to a system where everything flourishes in its own time.
In much the same way, empathy is a vital tool in this garden of life. Empathy teaches us to accept others for who they are—and just as importantly, to accept ourselves. It allows us to nurture our inner world, to understand that we are not in competition with those around us, but are all part of a larger, interconnected system. By extending empathy to ourselves and others, we begin to dismantle the old structures that promote fear and division and replace them with cooperation and understanding.
When we view life through the lens of collaboration rather than competition, we stop fighting against what feels unnatural. We start building a world that reflects the symbiosis we see in nature, where every individual has a role to play and every contribution is valued.
Cultivating a New Narrative
If you’ve been feeling stuck in the roles that society has placed upon you, know this: you’re not alone. So many of us are on this journey, learning to break free from the learned helplessness that has kept us bound for so long. There’s power in recognizing that passivity is a choice—and with that recognition, we can begin to choose something different.
We can choose empathy, connection, and self-acceptance over division, competition, and fear. We can become the gardeners of our own lives, tending to the things that truly matter—our well-being, our relationships, and the social structures that surround us.
This journey isn’t about rejecting everything we’ve been taught, but about re-evaluating it and choosing what truly serves us. Just as a garden doesn’t flourish overnight, this process takes time, care, and patience. But with empathy as our guide and a commitment to collaboration, we can create environments where not only we thrive, but where those around us can flourish as well.
Contact me if you would like to discuss ideas on how your personal life can be enhanced by empathy.
